Time to give an update… it’s been a long week! I’ve started the new job on Monday. Now I leave home at 7.50 and I’m back at 18.00… and it seems like a dream to me! In the last two years I had to travel 75 miles to go to work and now it feels almost down the road: it’s a 45-50 minutes drive, so not that close actually, but being able to be home every night is amazing, I’m spending more time with my husband and he’s more relaxed too… maybe everything is really falling into place finally?
To go back to reality for a moment, the workplace itself is very different from what I was used to and it’s going to take a while to settle: it’s a small company, the office is old, there is no canteen, and my boss has got great expectations on me, while I still don’t know where I fit in exactly… on the plus side, my colleagues have been friendly and welcoming, and because it’s a small organization and it’s in everyone interest to keep the business going, they seem to work like sort of a family, which I guess is good. The HR lady hasn’t been able to find details of the maternity leave policy for me, but I know I won’t be entitled to be paid, since I’m starting to work now and I will leave before six months.
I told my boss that I was pregnant the first day, and HR as well, but no-one else. I think she was happy I told her straight away, because she’s trying to find the right project for me and that can make a big difference. I don’t feel I should tell other people, though, not before they get to know me a bit more. So I’m glad I didn’t make any announcement on facebook, because already one of my new colleagues added me to his contacts!
I have also started an antenatal yoga-based class… it was 5 of us the first time, in a school not far from my place, and 8 the second time. The instructor went through some breathing and stretching exercises and every week there is a theme for discussion, like “who are the people who will be with you when you deliver the baby”. The conversation goes mainly around how giving birth is a natural event our body is prepared for and we don’t have to resist it but go with it and it will be great. I don’t know that… I never really wanted to think about it so far, it was so difficult getting here that now thinking about how the baby will go out is too hard for me! Obviously having the baby with me will be fantastic, but the delivery itself… I don’t see it as something beautiful and natural… I just hope I will survive and I will be in a decent shape afterwards and the baby will be healthy. But I’m scared. And I will be alone with my husband. I don’t have a support network of people who really care about me here. My parents will come when I want them too but I cannot predict the date of the birth and our flat is too small to let them stay with us for any long time, and we wouldn’t have any privacy with them around. My sister is not too far but certainly is not going to be there for me, she might visit for a couple of hours after a week, but I’m not expecting any help.
So my point of view at the moment is more like “I’m going to do whatever I have to to give birth to this baby, I’m going to have my husband with me, and it’s not going to be easy but nothing has ever been for us, and we are going to be a fantastic family”. Nevertheless, talking about it is good, I’ve got about six months to win my fears, and hopefully have a more realistic approach to it all!