It’s 5am and I’ve been awake for a while… until I decided it was pointless to stay in bed and changed room, hopefully I won’t disturb L this way. We had a nice evening with the couples from the antenatal class, it was Rachel’s due date and we went for a curry, just in case that got things moving for her 🙂
However I had a couple of bad days now. I’m sorry to write about this, but the small yet big issue is haemorrhoids… now not only I’m uncomfortable in bed, but I can’t even stand or sit without pain, and the thought that after the labour it will be worse for sure doesn’t help a bit. Add to this the usual pelvic pain and heartburn, and you won’t be surprised if I’m not sleeping!
Yesterday I got crossed with L’s mother. We were talking on the phone, when it came out that L would be going to some conferences in July if it wasn’t for the baby. And she said that if it’s for work, he should go. Now, L is a scientist, so going to conferences is part of his work; however, in the last two years, his managers decided to cut down on most travel expenses and he hasn’t attended almost any conference. I believe there is nothing strange if he says that he cannot travel for a while longer after having a baby, especially since we don’t have any family here and I would be alone. So why should she push him to go? She’s spent his entire life encouraging him to do things and then blaming him for doing them, like studying far from home and working abroad. And I hate when she gives her opinion on what we should or shouldn’t do: we made such different choices in our lives and careers, that I don’t think she can even imagine how’s our life, let alone telling us what to do! When we first met, I was trying to be polite and keep these things to myself; after a while, though, I decided that it was better to be clear when I disagreed with them, otherwise they would think that we didn’t actually have our own opinions and did need a guide. It worked, and I got a much better relationship with my in-laws after that. Sometimes, like now, when I feel emotional and a bit insecure, however, I’m afraid of their influence on L. He did say he’s not going anywhere for a while, though. And I’m giving up a year of my career to have this baby-and we both want him. I guess we have the cause of my heartburn tonight!
Maybe I can sleep a bit on the sofa now…