This morning I attended a Pilates class – without L and Pallino, proper Me-Time!! I never warmed up to Pilates before, but I found this lady who runs classes for up to four people, ten minutes walking from my place, and decided to try a class. I loved it! I enjoyed the almost-one-to-one attention, and her being strict and competent (or anyway so it seems to my untrained eyes) with the exercises and explaining the reason why we do each movement. Not least, I could feel all the muscles on my left side very stiff and I’m looking forward to feel them relaxing a bit. So I accepted to continue for five more weeks, then I will re-evaluate if I should continue with her or go to a gym to do something more fun. It will cost as much as a gym membership, but considering that I doubt I would go more than once a week, it’s exactly the same for me right now.
This bright moment came after a difficult week, though. Pallino has not been very well: he’s got a cough and two teeth are coming up, making him irritable and not willing to eat any solid; he was also sick a couple of times (obviously on me) and had some diarrhea. It’s been a challenge to help him to sleep every night, only to wake up at 2-2.30am and start screaming again until 4 am while chewing his fists with all his might… Yesterday I was so tired that when he woke up at 23.30 I fed him and then I kissed him goodnight and went back to bed. And he cried for almost an hour before falling asleep, but I didn’t have the energy to stay with him and soothe him – even if I don’t like letting him cry to sleep, as I discussed in this post.
All this was made worse by the fact that I couldn’t really ask L to help, because he had an important deadline at work on Friday and he worked about twenty hours a day all week.
Last week I went to see the health visitor and weigh Pallino. He’s now 9.7 kg! I asked what to do if he doesn’t drink milk when I go back to work. She said that if I breastfeed him in the morning and evening, he will be ok with a proper breakfast made with milk (by ‘proper’ she meant cereals and milk) and introducing proteins in his diet. I was quite relieved, and started giving him some baby porridge and yogurt, but then he basically stopped eating and we’re back at almost exclusively breastfeeding!
On Friday, he woke up with a temperature, but with a dose of baby paracetamol, he was soon fine, so I took him to the nursery after breakfast, to stay until after lunch time (about three hours). They didn’t call me, but when I went to feed him, the key carer told me he hadn’t played or eaten or drunk anything and burst crying every ten minutes… Probably it would have been the same at home, only for me it’s easier to soothe him and there are no loud toddlers around. But he has to get used to that environment, so even a few hours it’s good. Also the carer needs to get to know him.
To be honest, I’m having a hard time accepting all these changes and the uncertainty that comes with not knowing what to do with this issue of Pallino not drinking milk and not settling easily at the nursery when I’m about to go back to work. In a moment of paranoia, I spent 45 minutes on the phone with my mum and she managed, as she often does, to calm me down. After all, he might refuse new things because he doesn’t know that he might like them. And children do cry and make a fuss, but then they settle and are happy. It’s more important that I’m happy, so that the time we do spent together is good, or I will pass him my fears. And if he doesn’t eat for a few days, it’s not the end of the world.