I wanted to post this for New Year’s eve, but…
What a year it’s been… I’m writing with a little, sweet, clever, gorgeous baby boy next to me. I couldn’t wish for anything more, so much that I didn’t feel the need for any other gift this year. And still I received a few small and big gifts from people who love me, and it was great to feel that love.
We spent ten days in Italy, and we came back almost more tired than when we left… but it was great to see Pallino playing with his grandparents and the rest of the families, and he seems to grow up so much during the holidays!
He started drinking milk from the Doidy cup without problems, for example, which makes me much happier to take him to the nursery now. And now he moves with the music and claps his hands and he’s so cute!!! My mum got him lots of clothes and for each of them I said they were too big, but then I tried them on him and… they fit just right! So now he’s 7 months old and we are on size 1 year…
L says that when we are in Italy we can feel that we matter for someone. And that’s the other side of things: when we are home, in London, we are more lonely. We do have friends but they don’t seem to care about us, not actively I mean: they are happy to see us, but they wouldn’t make an effort to make us happy, so to speak. Maybe it’s just a cultural behavioural difference, nobody’s fault, but it weighs on us every day, especially because L is the kind of person who goes the extra mile for a lot of people. And L is not happy at work, while I’m going to start working again after eight months of maternity leave and I don’t feel confident at all.
We spent New Year’s eve at home, had a nice dinner, watched a movie and played board games, L and I, after putting Pallino to sleep. We hadn’t received any invitation to go out, but honestly this time I was happy to be with L alone, after the holidays and the journey back.
I’m happy of what we have and I feel incredibly lucky. The new year is going to be hard work, but we’ll make it. If I could wish for something, it would be to have the strength to smile to Pallino every day and enjoy his progress and discoveries, whatever happens. and I’d wish for L to be more content with his work and less stressed out. Happiness is never alone, it lives together with all our fears and shades all the time.
Here’s to a New Year of love and many many moments of happiness!!