Week 35 – maternity leave

First week at home, and it was about time… I started to record what I do and how I feel everyday, so now I can read my notes and write about this past week.

I’ve been home most of the time, especially when the weather was not very good (we had some freezing fog, and I hate fog…). At home, I managed to sort out a few admin things I had been meaning to do for a while, which is good, and I started to tidy up some things, also good. But mostly I didn’t do much, just rested when I could, done a little bit of exercise, read, and felt generally a bit miserable and bored.

I did go to the hospital for the last physio exercise session though. It was a nice sunny day, even warm around lunch time. I hadn’t slept much, so I drove there, which is quicker and cheaper than by bus. Unfortunately this hospital has a horrendous design and parking is quite stressful. Since I was driving, I was able to go to a couple of shops afterwards.

The only other day I left the house when Friday, for the nct refresher course. There were 6 ladies, and we talked through our previous horror birth stories (none of us had it easy) and current worries. In the afternoon, our partners came in too and we discussed labour and how they can help, how to manage older children etc. There was nothing new, but a useful refresher. For me it was good to hear the stories, and somehow stop focusing on my own too much. Nobody knows what will happen this time, after all. Giving birth is horrible, no matter what books and well meaning people say. There are also a variety of after pains and issues that I didn’t have the first time. I’m not going to do it again after this time, though, so I have my all life to recover. And I can’t avoid it now, this baby has to get out at some point.

L came for the afternoon session. He was late, and in a bad mood. I wanted to have lunch together, to have some emotional support after the morning discussions, instead his late arrival and his mood didn’t help, not one little bit. There were two more dads and they talked a bit, hopefully he was nice to them… we were there to make friends after all.

Anyway, I did get the ladies’ contacts, and hopefully we will see each other again. They seem nice people and the day passed quickly. It was emotionally intense and I had to sit most of the day, so when I went home I was really tired. I hadn’t slept the night before and desperately needed to rest. However it was soon time for Pallino to come home, and L was working in the evening (he had an online lecture, so nothing he could postpone) and I had to help Pallino get ready for bed, without disturbing his dad. It was hard.

The common theme of the week is that in the evening, say after 7pm, I feel completely drained, my belly aches, my back aches and I need to lie down. When the heating comes on, the air gets drier (even if I put a bowl of water on top of the radiators), and my nose gets blocked and I feel breathless, and I cannot sleep. So I use a nasal spray before going to bed, which helps for a few hours, but then I wake up in the middle of the night and that’s my sleep gone. I shouldn’t even use the nasal spray, but I really really need some sleep.



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