Parenting is tough

The sun is shining but I have been anxious. I have tried to catch up with work, and I did something stupid for which I was told off by my boss. I’m clearly not ready to do any work yet. However this triggered all sort of worries in the last few days, from world politics gone mad and the elections approaching, to Pallino’s behaviour. I can’t even vote at these elections, so let’s not think about that. 

We’ve been to a few birthdays parties lately, and Pallino spent them mostly playing on his own. The little time he was with other children, he ended up in a corner while the others threw things at him. Today he broke some toys at the nursery, with other three children. He seems to be struggling to make friends and take a positive role in the group. I used to struggle too. Is there anything we can do to help him? He’s probably just immature in terms​ of social interactions, but how do we help him take his time, without feeling isolated, which is what is happening now? 

For his birthday party, knowing all this, we hired an entertainer to do some storytelling and games. It’s something he enjoys, and everyone could take part in a structured way. It went well. So it’s all good as long as there is an adult to guide the activities. But I can’t make sure there is always an adult with him, because at the nursery the children play on their own as well as doing guided games. To be fair, there is only just over a month to go at the nursery, and then in September he will start school. Will it be better?

Today started nicely, with the sun shining, LittleOne following the EASY schedule spontaneously (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You-time) and me sorting out admin stuff while getting ready to go out. However, just when I was about to leave, it started hailing… so I ended up dressed and with make up on, at home all day. I did sort out quite a few things, like applying for LittleOne’s passport, ordering printing paper, doing my online food shopping etc. 

In the afternoon we had the visit of our priest, to discuss LittleOne’s baptism. He’s a sweet old man, with some sense of humour, I liked listening to him. L has showed off his knowledge of the Saints, readings and what have you, as he always does when he speaks with men of the church. He was very much into the church for a few years in his life, and has a good memory, so can’t help it I suppose. On the contrary, I don’t even remember the basic prayers properly, certainly not in English, and I’ve never been close to the church when I was younger, but I am religious in my own way. I hate showing off though, so I felt quite uncomfortable. I wonder what the priest thought. 

Anyway, we counted how many people will come to the baptism and it’s about 10 adults and 4 children, all Italian. We could also invite the ladies from the nct group and a couple of mums from Pallino’s nursery (one in particular is catholic and we’re getting on quite well, and her son will be in Pallino’s school next year) – this would be 4-6 more people probably. After the ceremony we’ll have a drink in the church hall. 

It will be a busy weekend, with Pallino’s birthday party on Saturday and LittleOne’s baptism on Sunday, and all four the grandparents coming from Italy, as well as a family of friends. Also my oldest sister will come, and another family from London. I’m looking forward to seeing them, actually. 

The (overwhelming) return of the things-to-do

Time seems to fly, the things-to-do build up and “taking it easy” is difficult, some days. I feel quite well, physically, and I love to go to the seafront and breath the salty air and just walk and be peaceful. It makes me feel good and think I should do things. Tidy up the house. And sort out my documents. And maybe start looking for a house to buy. And dial in to that work meeting. And arrange Pallino’s birthday party. And bake a cake for our guests on Saturday. And load the washing machine again. And write. And meet people.

I try. But sometimes I stop and try to remember what I was trying to do. Or I sit in the car with the wrong key and wonder why the engine doesn’t start. Or L sends me a text asking if I called xyz and I don’t know what he’s talking about. Yesterday I was in bed at 9pm, I had not finished my dinner, I had not brushed my teeth, I had not changed the baby. Pallino was finally sleeping, and I just didn’t want to move anymore.

You’d think I could do one thing after each feed. Feed, put the baby down, have an hour for myself, feed again. But the reality is that I have to hold the baby for a while after each feed to help him burp. After that he sleeps in my arms and I’m quite sleepy myself. The moment I put him down, he wakes up and starts crying. So I have two alternatives: I leave him there, telling him that I have something to do, and he keeps crying; or I pick him up again, and I have only one arm to do whatever I wanted to do, and no will to move from the chair anymore. Now, it must be some trick of nature, but hearing your baby crying starts some ancient response in your mind that stops you from concentrating on anything else. You mum HAVE to do something. That’s hard (but necessary for survival: it’s the same mechanism that wakes me up at night to feed the baby; dads don’t wake up). After a while, I give in and pick him up. Maybe after I had a shower, or some breakfast. And then it’s time for another feed. A whole day can go on like this, and at the end I haven’t done anything (well, technically I had kept a little human being alive and safe and well fed). If I go out, I need to time it well: I leave just after a feed, I take the bus (it takes about 40 minutes to get to the town centre), I walk for about an hour or a bit longer, I go to a café to have lunch and feed LittleOne, I walk slowly back to the bus stop and go home, I feed him again at home. Luckily, when we’re walking or on the bus he sleeps, so it’s tiring but manageable, and I feel much better when I do go out. Sometimes we go to the nursery in time to pick up Pallino and we walk back home together. It’s about 1.2 miles, and Pallino loves it. At the end I’m tired though.

Is this “taking it easy”?

This helps a lot

Taking it easy

Life with a newborn is quite monotonous. He wakes up every 2 hours during the night, so I often spent the morning in bed trying to catch up a little bit. However, the weather is getting better, and I have to go out. My father in law stayed with us for two weeks. He helped a lot with Pallino (they adore each other) and cooked for us. And we went out a few times. I was afraid of going by myself at first, so being with him helped. This is a friendly city, however most of the restaurants and shops in the city centre are small and wouldn’t be suitable for a buggy, which made me a bit nervous. But we found a few places where we could sit without problem, and I could breastfeed with some privacy. And I managed to walk for up to an hour. 

Now I’m alone with the baby. Still in my pj at lunch time. And nothing gets done… 

Week 37

This week is going very slowly… I’m spending most of the time at home, sleeping in the morning and reading or watching movies in the afternoon. We had some social events: we invited a few colleagues of L over for tea and cakes (and doghnuts and cookies and more cakes ecc.), and it was nice: the house was full of people, but, being at my place, I could sit down and rest whenever I wanted, and they were all nice people. One got me a set of sleeping remedies (lavender oil, pillow spray and eye mask), which I’m not sure it can be used during pregnancy but I loved the thought!

Another time I met one of the girls from the nct refresher course, we had lunch together and chatted a bit. It’s good to start knowing people here, feels more like home.

There was also a birthday party in a soft play, with children from Pallino’s nursery. I went because I wanted to see the other mums, but it was very hard for me: loud noises, uncomfortable chair, not being able to mingle… L was there too, so he took care of Pallino, but still I was in pain when we got home, I should have stayed in.

And yesterday L worked from home and took me to a lovely pub for lunch… Now that I’m writing all this, it doesn’t seem that I’m spending all the time at home, it’s just that the days at home feel very long and nights are longer still.

It’s all happened in my first pregnancy as well, only we didn’t have to negotiate any hill at the time, so going out for a short walk was easy, and symptoms appeared a bit later first time round – the pelvic pain a lot later, actually, so now I’m more worn out I guess, as well as being four years older.

I’m a bit worried for Pallino. He keeps saying that the other children don’t want to play with him at the nursery. Last night he came to sleep with me and told me that “when the others don’t want you at the table, you have to change table, taking with you your plate, fork and cup”. How many times has this happened to him? When I go to the nursery, he seems ok. When I ask the carers, they always say he had a good day. In the morning, he goes straight in without a fuss. Is he trying to attract my attention because he’s worried about the baby? Is he feeling anxious? Or is he being bullied at the nursery and the carers don’t even realise?